You Know What You Want to Do With Your Life (You’re Just Not Letting Yourself Believe It)

Eva Gutierrez 💡
3 min readNov 12, 2019

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Three years ago, a book told me to write down the 30 things I wanted to become.

In my state of pure, dysfunctional confusion I followed instruction.

I wrote down a list of the first thirty things that came to my mind and never thought about it again. I put that notebook down and walked away, continuing on with life as if I hadn’t ever thought about what it was I desired to be.

Last night, I opened my old notebook to that page and I found something I could have never predicted.

The list of thirty things I wanted to do and become, was exactly the same three years ago as it is today.

My largest goals are exactly the same today, as they were when I had absolutely no clarity on what I wanted to do with my life.

This shocked me for one reason.

I have never felt so distant from the person I used to be.

Right before reading this list, I was thinking about how much I had changed from the day I left Nashville and started my first solo travel journey two and a half years ago. Right before.

When I think about the girl I was, the one who had no insight into her purpose and what she wanted to do with her life, I couldn’t possibly feel more opposite.

Yet, here I am with the exact same goals.

These thirty things showed me something incredible.

During the times I felt like I had absolutely no clarity on my life, I actually had a crystal clear idea of what I wanted.

I just didn’t realize it.

Three years ago, that list was a wishlist. It was my hopes and dreams, written down and forgotten in a moment of doubting myself.

When I look at this list now, I see this.

And when I look even closer, I see this.

While I was waitressing, feeling more lost and purposeless than I ever have before, I had full insight on what I wanted to achieve. Today, there is nothing I would add or remove from this list.

To be able to check things off and then to see what I am in the middle of accomplishing, is absolutely surreal.

As I’m continuing on my journey through life, I’ve never been more aware of who I am at my core.

The person I am now, is the same girl I was two years ago and, now I’m certain, the little girl who knew there was a reason she existed.

The little girl who would read books for hours in her room, the one who could never figure out exactly how to express herself and knew that she had to make some type of impact.

I am the same girl.

Each day, I’m growing into a more capable version of her. The version who isn’t scared of buying a solo ticket and living in a foreign country by herself. The insightful young adult who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and inspire others to do the same. The woman that is a creator, steering her own ship in the direction she deems fit.

I wasn’t born without clarity.

And I didn’t lose it along the way.

I always had it within me.

And so do you.

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Eva Gutierrez 💡
Eva Gutierrez 💡

Written by Eva Gutierrez 💡

Weekly thought exercises inspired by mental models, psychology principles, and questions from successful entrepreneurs. ➡️ ThinkWithAI.com

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